Recently I’ve been finding myself wanting to escape more so than ever, But how does one escape when the very thing they’re running from is their own mind.
A quick disclaimer before I begin. I know some of my family read these posts, that is mainly the reason I don’t post that much, because, the kind of topics I talk about aren’t particularlly sunshine and rainbows, they’re triggering and real.
I know there are people out in the world that have bigger problems than I do, but, every single person has the right to their own pain. No should never be made to feel like they are in the wrong for talking about how they feel, or for being upset over something that to someone esle is nothing. You feel what you feel and never say sorry for it.
Now, back to the beginning…
Whenever any kind of change, upheaval or pain comes into your life, which it will, the good news is it always comes to an end, eventually. Nothing lasts forever, good or bad. The universal law tells us that everything has an opposite and we must take both in order to grow. A friend of mine uses the term “character building” I quite like it and often find myslef using it because its true, as much as good moments make us who we are, it’s the moments of pain that shapes us, more so how we deal with that pain. I’ve learned more about myslef and changed more from difficult situations than I ever have any other time, and this why even though it’s uncomfortable, it’s essential.
So when I say I’ve been wanting to escape, my current challenges haven’t been physical, not a broken bone that I know will heal.
My struggles as of late have been emotional and having effects on my mental helath. Clearly the pain and struggles were to teach me a lesson and I know exactly what the lessons are, I knew it was coming before it even happened but that doesn’t make it any less painful. In fact, I thought, because I’ve been on this spiritual journey for a few years now that if anything like this ever happened I’d be fine, but, I’m still human and also, a spiritual journey doesn’t have one end destination, it’s a never ending cycle of growing and evolving.
So how do you deal with change that brings pain and overwhelm?
Admittedly my early coping mechanisms weren’t quite aligned with my spiritual values and morals. I allowed myself to slip and stopped looking after myself, I know I shouldn’t but I got so caught up in grief that I didnt want to turn to love, and light and positivity. I wanted to feel it, as painful and messy as it was, I knew it would teach me more.
I distracted myslef by spending time out with friends or watching brain dead tv programmes on repeat just to listen to something other than my own thoughts. I’d have a drink or reach out to all the wrong people.
Don’t get me wrong that first one, spending time with friends isn’t a bad thing, infact surrounding yourself with the people you love and feel safe wiuth is the best thing to do.
But in my case the distraction was only temporary because I would be fine with them but it was when I’d come home to a quiet, empty house, lie in bed in silence or wake up from dreams my brain would create to make me feel better then reality would hit.
When your mind is so noisy you can’t sleep or when your thoughts are so self sabotaging you spend hours crying untll there are no tears left, or your eyes are so sore and heavy you physically can’t stay awake.
when its 3am and you have no one but yourself thats when you reaslise you can’t carry on the way you have been.
After the initial pain and resistance to change wore off I soon started getting back to myself, my own ways, the things that pull me from dark places. A lot of these are personal to me and some people reading this may not even be interested or know what some of them are/involve but some may be useful;
- I turned to my spirituality
- I started reading tarot cards again
- Meditating and using some meditation techniques where I can see possible futures for myself (when I feel so helpless and stuck this is particularly helpful to me, it allows me to hope)
- I turn to my spirit family and connect with loved ones who have passed as well as others i’ve found along the way
- I’ve promised myself to spend more time doing the things that make my soul happy like, reading, writing, dedicating time to practice my witchcraft.
- Being out in nature.
- Spending time with my friends and laughing until I cry
- Changing my diet and routine is a big one
- The last and the one I would reccomend to anyone is journaling. Write it all out, get it all out on paper. if you’re someone who doesnt find it easy talking writing is another way to process how you feel and just get it out of your system. It’s something that the past 3/4 weeks even I haven’t been in the headspace to do but now I am, I’ll be doing it every day.
- Another linked to writing; write a list every morning with 5-10 things that youre grateful for, state what it is and why. When things seem so dark it’s easy to over look the positives you do have and take them for granted so adknowledge them every day. Whatever energy you put out, you get back so by focusing on all the negatives it wont change. Focus on the positives and your life will change.
So my main points are;
1 – You’re never alone.
2 – Never apologise for how you feel.
3 – There is no escape or easy way out, you have to feel it all and face your demons. Often it can feel a lonely process because you are the only one that can truly change your life, it just depends on how bad you want it.
4 – There’s always another way, things will always get better so if you’ve been struggling, hurting, healing or growing. Whatever stage youre at you should be proud.
Keep going!
Much love
Jessica Stone 